Thursday, February 5, 2009

Project 365, Day 27 (1/27/09) Signs of life.

Three hours is a long time to be in a vehicle by yourself with so much on your mind, but I crossed the grand state of Michigan solo to be with my family today.

I went to Grandma & Grandpa's house, where signs of Grandpa were apparent everywhere I turned. His empty hats lay still on a shelf. His flannel shirts hung on the back of a chair. His insulin needles were still in the fridge. No one was home. Outdated photos of my cousins and their children smiled at me from the living room wall as I stood there and broke down in tears.

Of all the time I spent at Grandma and Grandpa's house, it never felt as empty as it did today. In recent years, it had been either jam-packed with family (our family outgrew this house years ago but we still lovingly squeeze in here.), or filled with the sounds of grandma's cheerful chatter and the sound of grandpa's favorite shows coming from the TV. Today there was silence. Nothing but the sound of my own sobs. I stood looking at the spot where grandpa sat the last time I saw him, wishing I could hug him one more time. If only I knew that the one I'd given him on Thanksgiving would be the last one, I would've held him a little longer.

It was time for me to go. Feeling empty on the inside, I wandered outside and turned to look back at the house. It was then that I spotted this bird's nest


resting on the side of the house. It struck me as ironic that the outside of the house matched the inside: someone had been there, lived and breathed there, watched their young grow, and now they were gone, leaving behind only signs of the life that once was.

"Life is a process. We are a process. The universe is a process." ~ Anne Wilson Schaef